With October being domestic violence awareness month, I have gone back and forth about writing, posting, or tweeting about it. I hold this very close in my heart over the past couple years, and I have never been afraid of telling my story. I have grown and learned a lot since I first walked out of a horrible situation in February 2015 and even more since I wrote my last blog post in June 2017.
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Saying Goodbye from the Girl who is behind the Wine Glass Hello everyone! I sat on this post for a long time. However, this is my last blog post on “The Girl behind the Wine Glass.” You may be thinking uh okay, or wow she has not really blogged in a long time. Well here I am.... With all that being said, here is my last post as The Girl behind the Wine Glass. February 16, 2015, I placed my engagement ring on the broken table by the door, and walked out the broken door (funny how at the time I didn’t see how broken I was, while everything else around me was broken). I didn’t realize that what I thought would be the end was only the start of a long journey of healing. Well, if you have been following me over the past couple years, you will see I have come a long way, and have spoken up about a lot of things. This journey has helped me become a young woman who is an advocate for relationship and domestic violence. I have moved many places and I have seen many things I wish I didn’t have to see. But I am about to tell you something I never thought would happen to that broken 22-year-old. I never knew I would find love, and notice I didn’t say again, because what I was in during that time of my life was not love, it was being lied to, being told that I was loved while being called “Bitch, slut, and fat. I was threatened and pulled away from my family. I have never in my life thought I could find love, I thought I am this broken girl with so much baggage that nobody will ever love me for me. I found a man who has been able to show me how important it is TO BE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN, who loves herself and be broken at the same time. A man who tells me, “what the hell, go buy the shoes if you want them.” Who has loved me for how much I love my family, and has let me be lucky enough to be a part of his family. A man who has wiped my tears as we left my home this past weekend because moving has been hard. I could go on and he could either say he loves me talking about him or beg me not to tag him on social media. This is a man who read my blog post before we ever went on a “date” and I am not talking about the time we went for ice cream and he forgot his wallet. I am not telling you I have gone from being broken to being someone whose falling in love is not “social media” perfect because life is not perfect. I am horrible at doing dishes, and he uses the washing machine as the close hamper. I am not writing you to tell you that falling in love fixed me, hell we all know I can’t be fixed. I am telling you whoever you are that you are worthy of love. You should never be scared of your baggage and don’t be ashamed of your past. I started this blog a couple years ago to document my journey, and because I was tired of explaining what was going on with my life. I wrote this blog to help heal myself, and make everything go away, but healing happens and scars replace the wound. At this moment, I am leaving this blog behind because the broken girl who started it was so lost and was hiding from the world. I named my blog the girl behind the wine glass because I thought it was funny, but it really was me being scared to tell anyone how broken I was. I was hiding behind this blog. Don’t get me wrong, this blog helped me heal, and I have learned it helped other people heal too. I am leaving it up not because I am going to keep writing, but because Domestic and Relationship Violence NEVER GOES AWAY for any victim, for any one that is dealing with it. You are NOT ALONE and you are NEVER ALONE! I hope that the journey I went on brings you hope. I hope you can see you are worth more than any name you have been called, and that your baggage is a part of you, but it’s not something you are afraid to hide. You are so loved, thank you all for being a part of this amazing journey, and for supporting me along the way Much Love, Molly Francis (The girl IN FRONT of the Wine Glass) ***If you find yourself in a relationship that is violent, whether physical, verbal, or mental, get help. You do not deserve it. Reach out to 1-800-799-7233, the 24 hour- Domestic Violence Hotline. Stay safe, but do not stay. Saint Francis de Sales, is my favorite Saint, not because Francis is my middle name, and also I would like to think my parents felt it important to name me after by grandfather and my father whose middle names are Francis. Maybe they also put some thought into what an incredible Saint Francis de Sales is and that I could share the privilege of having his name. (If you can’t tell by now in reading this blog, I am Catholic). However, I promise in this post I won’t go on about Saint Francis, or how awesome I think our current Pope is (Francis—too), or discuss the debate over the Body and Blood of Christ, unless you would like (and I am willing). This post is about a lovely St. Francis quotation I have held close to my heart the past two years: “Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself”
Over the last few years I have wished to forget, move on, find love, move away--anything that required rushing everything. I learned I can’t rush my life, I have to have patience, but most importantly, I have to be patient with myself. When learning to move on from an event like I did, I ignored my feelings the first six months or so, to the point where my friends and family were walking on egg shells around me waiting for me to snap. Well, let me tell you when I did finally “snap” as you would say, it was the ugliest cry and worst feeling of my life. I felt as though I needed to learn how to do life all over again, but that’s when I read the wise words of Saint Francis reminding me that patience with myself is most important. I am allowed to struggle, but I must have patience with the struggle and love myself before I can love anyone else. My advice to you is be brave walking the path in front of you, and most importantly breathe. Your journey is a beautiful one. It Has Been Two Years:
I haven’t been blogging much and quite honestly I have had writer’s block and the winter months are not always the best for me. I struggle with my anxiety and depression a little more because the winter keeps me inside and in my bed (I hate being cold). I struggle even more in January and the beginning of February because they are not easy months on me emotionally due to my frustration or others’ lack of understanding of the struggles God placed in front of me just over two years ago. Two years ago I was sitting in my poor Ford Focus calling my mother saying, “Hi, I don’t want to talk about it, but can you book me a room at a hotel? I have no money and no clothes to wear to work tomorrow, but I need a place to live.” My mother, who is my saving grace and my mom, didn’t ask a question, but said “give me a couple minutes and I will figure something out. “ My mother listened to me cry for days that turned into weeks, weeks that turned into months, and slowly my tears became just something that was normal. My father, an amazing man ,held me as I cried in a parking lot of a new apartment building because I was truly a lost soul. My dad helped me move into an apartment, outfitting my whole kitchen (Thanks Dad) and my mom drove down and fixed up my bathroom and my living room (Thanks Mom). But some nights I sat in my apartment in Tennessee alone, scared, and really unsure about what to do. Let me remind you, that this whole situation happened two years ago, and I still think I am trying to figure out my state of mind and so afraid that my life was falling apart at 22. I had a job, but I thought my life would take a different direction. I thought I was going to raise a family with a man I thought I loved. Little did I know that God had much bigger plans for me. He thought I could handle this battle, the battle that made me stronger, the battle that my parents helped me fight, the battle that showed me how much I can love myself, the battle that made me believe in Taco & Tequila Tuesday. That battle is over; there will be others, but I know who I am and I know my strength. I guess this is where I am going; two years ago my life was in my eyes “falling apart” but little did I know, what I thought was falling apart was so much more. I have learned so much about myself, about my friends, about my family, about life. At 24 years old, I have new Career in somewhat of a new field (Still in Education, just a different background) that I love more than anything, I am back in Maryland near my parents, and living with some of my closest friends, I have learned about closer, but most importantly I have learned a little bit about life. As always thank you reading, Molly Francis This is the only political post you will hear from me on Facebook; this is the only time you will read my political opinion--so here goes nothing.
Perhaps you have maybe come to this post to read my point of view on this recent election; however, you are going to hear something different from what you may expect. Above you see a silly photo of five women in their early 20’s-- they are some of my very best friends. I have gotten the chance to get to know them over the past few years and wouldn’t trade our friendships for anything! You may think we look and maybe act similar, but here is where you are wrong and the differences may surprise you. We were all raised differently. Some of us were raised in two parent homes, single parent homes, Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal, Lutheran, etc. We are single, in serious relationships, engaged (Well almost for one of them), or married. I think you get the point. Here is something else that might shock you: we all voted differently in this past election. Some of us jumped for joy over the results and some of us sat in our living rooms with tears streaming down our faces. But the most incredible thing about this is all five of us had a choice, we all grew up in a country that gave us the right and the freedom to vote, and we were able to let our voices be heard. Four of us live in a state that went red this election, and I live in a state that went blue this election. ALL FIVE OF US ARE DIFFERENT! So this is where my post is going and this is my message to you. The young women in this photo are EDUCATED WHITE WOMEN WITH DIFFERENT POLITICAL VIEWS and we are allowed to have those views. We are allowed to disagree, but still get along because the point is: yes, we have different views; and yes, all five of us were raised differently. But we love one another, we began to love each other four years ago when we stayed in different rooms of our sorority house and together watched yet another election where we had different views. That night some rejoiced and some cried, but we never stopped being friends because for whom we cast our political ballot. The five of us share something very special, personal, and important: We love our country and we have the right to be free in “The Land of the Free and The Home of The Brave.” We love one another, and I know I can speak for all five of us when I say that we hope you see our friendship as a glimmer of hope for all Americans to love one another regardless of our views and who we may or may not support. With love and kindness, Molly Francis Hello Dear,
Well, here you are dating again. Maybe it’s only been a couple of months or maybe it’s been a year or more since your heart was broken. You might be feeling a hundred different emotions, or maybe you are just feeling happy or scared a little lost because you have no idea what the hell you are doing! But that’s okay. You are on the right path. As women we are told so many different stories about people falling in love. Maybe you have heard the love story of your parents, grandparents, a close friend, or even a fairytale. No matter what story: love at first sight, she tripped and feel into his arms, or she left her shoe at the ball. We have all heard about falling in love. But what about the girl who had her heart broken? What about the girl who doesn't feel worthy of being loved? Like every other girl you have cried, ate too much ice cream, logged onto every dating app, and deleted that dating app after a few creepy first dates. But like those stories you have heard, you find someone who catches your attention, but you find yourself more guarded, scared, and even struggle to feel like you can fall in love again. Well this is what I have t o say. Yes, you have had your heartbroken, yes, this is one of the scariest things you have been though, because God forbid, you don’t want to feel as bad as you did a year ago. Trust me when I tell you I understand. Your fear is that you will be treated the same or that you’re not good enough, but that’s not the case. Because one thing you need to know is you are always worth loving. Don’t question your emotions too much, don’t justify your actions to anyone, and don’t let anyone make you feel like you shouldn’t take a chance. If you find someone, let life take its course. Open up your heart and let yourself love again—love more than you have ever loved before. Whether your story started yesterday, starts tomorrow, or happens six years from now—take that risk. You may have more than one heartbreak, but always remember that you are worthy of love falling in love and being in love. Give yourself the opportunity to find your fairytale! Much Love, Molly Francis Well July is coming to an end, and I have moved out of my dad’s house, which was way more emotional than I ever thought it was going to be at age 24. I have moved in with two of friends who I have known for half my life. I am becoming gluten free (not by choice), my best friend gets married in a few month, our Wi-Fi is horrible in our little townhome, and I have been disappointed by someone who I always thought I could count on, so that’s just some of the things that have happened in the past couple of months. I have really started to review my past couple months, and that time has given me some amazing up’s and some incredible down’s. I don’t think I imagined that the hardest year of my life would be followed up by another challenging year, but I have continued to learn and grow from the experiences. I think one of the lines that I read over and over again as I type is “I have been disappointed by someone who I always thought I could count on.” This is something I have debated writing about for many months now, and I have grown almost numb to the situation. Numb is such a sad way to feel about this since I could count on this person for most of my life. I could sit here and tell you how mad or hurt I am, but I can’t because to me the feeling of grieving this situation has come to an end. I cannot grieve any longer and I don’t want to spend anymore time being angry. If I have learned anything in these past two years, it is never turn your back on the people who have supported you because they will pick you up in your weakest moments. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of you. It’s how you see yourself in the mirror in the morning that really counts! Never be embarrassed to ask for help because it does not make you weak, and most importantly never forget to love, whether that love is for family or friends, to fall in love again, or to find a new love for something in your life. Never forget to love; it is the strongest feeling that will help you get through all the hurt, anger, sadness, or the rebuilding the life you once thought you had or the new life you might be starting. People disappoint us every day; we just have to figure out how to live with that. Much Love, Molly Dear Molly, Where you will be in two years is not: getting in a white dress, sitting in Tennessee, and you sure as hell will not feel unsafe anymore. You will however: cry to yourself once in a while, you will send page long text messages to Lynsey, and you will have fought your toughest battles to date. However, most importantly you will have become so proud of yourself that you won’t realize it. And as I write this letter to you, I want you to share your experience with other women and remind them of this. Tell every young woman how proud she should be of even the smallest steps toward safety and independence she has taken. I want you to tell other women that they did nothing wrong to deserve cruel treatment and that no matter how many times they tell themselves or someone else tells them, I want them to believe it. I want to remind them that impulse shopping gets worse with tears, so be careful. I want them to believe life happens how it’s supposed to, and I want to remind them that going out on a weeknight to have a drink with friends is allowed now. Reconnect with the loved ones you pushed away, and find strength in anything you can because it will help you survive. You are more than that broken finger, you are more than a Facebook status, you are worth more than you were told. Remember that slander is ugly; don’t let it bring you down. Court is hard, wear a pink dress, your father is a powerful man and he will always fight your battles, your mother is a strong woman and she will always listen to you cry, and make sure you pour the glass of wine. I want to tell you two years from now the only important thing to remember is you can do this. The only thing you will regret is having let someone else abuse you and convince you that you were unworthy. That person is the one who is blind to the truth and you can’t help him because he has to figure it out and come to the reality of his behavior and the consequences. You cannot fix him or fight his battles---that’s his to discover. Much Love, Molly Francis The Last Time He Put His Hands on Me:
The nightmares come and go, the bruises have faded, and my heart has healed, but I don’t think I will forget that day. I sat in my car and called my mom; I can never forget the LAST day he put his hands on me. I could give you the play by play of the day starting with: I could not find my black tights, I was late for work, my anxiety was through the roof because I had to drive in the snow, and he felt like he had the right to put his hands on me. I learned I could tell the story 100 times, but it would never change and it would never make me feel any better. I learned a lot about myself over this past year and a half. I have learned that faith and a little wine can help get me through anything, but I also learned that I can only cry so many tears, and I can only lie so much about how I feel before the real truth starts to come out. The unanswerable question I hear all the time is, “How could a woman allow herself to go through that?” Usually I am embarrassed when I hear someone say that because honestly I don’t have an answer. I just try to look clueless and walk away because it makes me feel weak and stupid for finding myself grouped with those women. I saw every sign of an abusive man, and I forgave him over and over. I listened to his lies of “I’m sorry and I won’t do that again,” but the last day he put his hands on me was the best day of my life! Maybe, you are reading this and think I am bashing the so-called“man” who hit me. You can say, “Molly, maybe he is a changed man or maybe he has grown up.” My purpose is not about revenge. My blog is an outlet for me as a way to speak up and a way to show other people that they don’t have to go through what I went though. Like everything else on the Internet, if you don’t like it, don’t read it. The last day he put his hands on me was the last day I lied to myself. I knew I had endured enough. I no longer felt the need to lie to everyone about my “happy” engagement. It was much easier to take off a ring that meant nothing but broken promises and a phony relationship. I no longer had to put cover up on my arms to hid a bruise, I did not have to worry about living in hell and by hell I mean an old house that was filthy, with ceiling falling in, and one that should have been condemned. I no longer had to lie about who I was to people because I had lost myself in this abusive relationship. I had become a person who did not share my opinion. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror because the face in the mirror was not really me. I was living a lie and I had to stop lying to the world around me. I will tell anyone this: if you find yourself in a really scary situation like I was in, remember you are never alone, you never have to hide like I did, you are worth so much more than how you are treated. Also remember that you don’t need to get revenge because Karma happens like it’s supposed to. Trust me--of all people who can say that, it’s me. I have an amazing job, I am back home with my family, and I am about to move into a new house. I did not lose my job because of my behavior, I did not lose any friends, and most importantly, I do not have to lie about my life. I gained the love and support of so many people, and if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I promise that you can discover how important you are and how loved you are by so many people! Sending so much love, Molly Francis! A letter to any girl with baggage:
So you have baggage, and I am not talking about the suitcase kind. I am talking about the kind where you feel like you have a huge backpack on your back, or a suitcase by your side filled with all the "shit" you have been though, the kid of bag that changed you forever because someone or something in your life left you with emotions and feelings that simply weigh you down and affect everything in your future! You know what I am talking about? Okay, well first let’s figure out what baggage you are carrying. Was it a bad break up? A family crisis? An unfortunate career decision? Are you like me and feel like the baggage makes you look damaged? Maybe you have been holding on to the same baggage for years and you don't know how to fix it. Well, do you want me to give you the answer on how to get rid of this baggage? You can't. You will never get rid of the baggage that you are carrying. Have you ever heard the saying "If we all threw our problems in a pile, chances are we would grab our own problems.” I think that goes with baggage as well. We would rather carry our own baggage because our baggage is just something we have become strong enough to carry, honest enough to see that it's okay to accept what we are carrying. We eventually realize that our “load” does not make us different from the person next to us. Our baggage is something with which we have been blessed. It may have crushed us a little, but it has given us a little more strength. We may realized that there is not way to “fix” the baggage, but I am here to tell you that you will always be strong enough to carry your baggage. The amazing realization comes when you are accepted and loved by someone who may even help you with the weight. Whatever your baggage may be, you are always strong enough and brave enough to hold it with you. Never feel like someone won't accept you for your baggage, because if he or she doesn’t, then that person really is not worth your time. The baggage you carry with you in life means you have fought your hardest to be the person you are, and you are loved every single day even with your “cute” suitcase that you have come to treasure while others call it a burden! Much Love, Molly |
AuthorYou can call me Molly Francis; I am a wine drinker, full time workaholic, and relationship abuse survivor. Archives
October 2018
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