The Last Time He Put His Hands on Me:
The nightmares come and go, the bruises have faded, and my heart has healed, but I don’t think I will forget that day. I sat in my car and called my mom; I can never forget the LAST day he put his hands on me.
I could give you the play by play of the day starting with: I could not find my black tights, I was late for work, my anxiety was through the roof because I had to drive in the snow, and he felt like he had the right to put his hands on me. I learned I could tell the story 100 times, but it would never change and it would never make me feel any better. I learned a lot about myself over this past year and a half. I have learned that faith and a little wine can help get me through anything, but I also learned that I can only cry so many tears, and I can only lie so much about how I feel before the real truth starts to come out.
The unanswerable question I hear all the time is, “How could a woman allow herself to go through that?” Usually I am embarrassed when I hear someone say that because honestly I don’t have an answer. I just try to look clueless and walk away because it makes me feel weak and stupid for finding myself grouped with those women. I saw every sign of an abusive man, and I forgave him over and over. I listened to his lies of “I’m sorry and I won’t do that again,” but the last day he put his hands on me was the best day of my life!
Maybe, you are reading this and think I am bashing the so-called“man” who hit me. You can say, “Molly, maybe he is a changed man or maybe he has grown up.” My purpose is not about revenge. My blog is an outlet for me as a way to speak up and a way to show other people that they don’t have to go through what I went though. Like everything else on the Internet, if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
The last day he put his hands on me was the last day I lied to myself. I knew I had endured enough. I no longer felt the need to lie to everyone about my “happy” engagement. It was much easier to take off a ring that meant nothing but broken promises and a phony relationship. I no longer had to put cover up on my arms to hid a bruise, I did not have to worry about living in hell and by hell I mean an old house that was filthy, with ceiling falling in, and one that should have been condemned. I no longer had to lie about who I was to people because I had lost myself in this abusive relationship. I had become a person who did not share my opinion. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror because the face in the mirror was not really me. I was living a lie and I had to stop lying to the world around me.
I will tell anyone this: if you find yourself in a really scary situation like I was in, remember you are never alone, you never have to hide like I did, you are worth so much more than how you are treated. Also remember that you don’t need to get revenge because Karma happens like it’s supposed to. Trust me--of all people who can say that, it’s me. I have an amazing job, I am back home with my family, and I am about to move into a new house. I did not lose my job because of my behavior, I did not lose any friends, and most importantly, I do not have to lie about my life. I gained the love and support of so many people, and if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I promise that you can discover how important you are and how loved you are by so many people!
Sending so much love,
Molly Francis!
The nightmares come and go, the bruises have faded, and my heart has healed, but I don’t think I will forget that day. I sat in my car and called my mom; I can never forget the LAST day he put his hands on me.
I could give you the play by play of the day starting with: I could not find my black tights, I was late for work, my anxiety was through the roof because I had to drive in the snow, and he felt like he had the right to put his hands on me. I learned I could tell the story 100 times, but it would never change and it would never make me feel any better. I learned a lot about myself over this past year and a half. I have learned that faith and a little wine can help get me through anything, but I also learned that I can only cry so many tears, and I can only lie so much about how I feel before the real truth starts to come out.
The unanswerable question I hear all the time is, “How could a woman allow herself to go through that?” Usually I am embarrassed when I hear someone say that because honestly I don’t have an answer. I just try to look clueless and walk away because it makes me feel weak and stupid for finding myself grouped with those women. I saw every sign of an abusive man, and I forgave him over and over. I listened to his lies of “I’m sorry and I won’t do that again,” but the last day he put his hands on me was the best day of my life!
Maybe, you are reading this and think I am bashing the so-called“man” who hit me. You can say, “Molly, maybe he is a changed man or maybe he has grown up.” My purpose is not about revenge. My blog is an outlet for me as a way to speak up and a way to show other people that they don’t have to go through what I went though. Like everything else on the Internet, if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
The last day he put his hands on me was the last day I lied to myself. I knew I had endured enough. I no longer felt the need to lie to everyone about my “happy” engagement. It was much easier to take off a ring that meant nothing but broken promises and a phony relationship. I no longer had to put cover up on my arms to hid a bruise, I did not have to worry about living in hell and by hell I mean an old house that was filthy, with ceiling falling in, and one that should have been condemned. I no longer had to lie about who I was to people because I had lost myself in this abusive relationship. I had become a person who did not share my opinion. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror because the face in the mirror was not really me. I was living a lie and I had to stop lying to the world around me.
I will tell anyone this: if you find yourself in a really scary situation like I was in, remember you are never alone, you never have to hide like I did, you are worth so much more than how you are treated. Also remember that you don’t need to get revenge because Karma happens like it’s supposed to. Trust me--of all people who can say that, it’s me. I have an amazing job, I am back home with my family, and I am about to move into a new house. I did not lose my job because of my behavior, I did not lose any friends, and most importantly, I do not have to lie about my life. I gained the love and support of so many people, and if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I promise that you can discover how important you are and how loved you are by so many people!
Sending so much love,
Molly Francis!