Someone wise beyond my years said, “It’s okay to mourn the loss of the person you thought they were, and the love you had for them.”
Holding on to anger and hurt is something I have learned I am good at. I hold grudges more than anyone in my family, and my parents are still a little unsure where I get that trait! I grew up a very angry child and, I still have moments that I am just angry. I have learned that sometimes in life we have to accept the cards we are dealt and just play them. I am the first person to acknowledge that sometimes life just sucks.
I have been so angry over the events that have occurred in my life. I often look around and see people living their seemingly happy lives, and I begin to feel that a dark cloud is hanging over me, not letting me go and to move on with my life. That is not fair! I feel like I have worked so hard to become a young, independent woman, so I just want to scream because I let myself be hurt.
I have been mourning the loss of something that is no longer a part of my life, and I know that as a young woman in my early 20’s, I am not the first person to experience this. However, moving on is one of the hardest things to do when I am still so angry at my situation. I have learned in these past couple months that sometimes I won’t ever get the apology I am looking for so that I can bring closure to this and move forward. I know that by not having the closure I need, I am having to learn that it’s okay to still be upset (regardless of what people tell me! )
“My Dear, you won’t ever be able to move on until you learn to forgive yourself and by forgiving yourself I am not saying you did anything wrong or that it’s wrong to feel the way you do. You can certainly let yourself mourn the heartbreak, the frustration, and the anger. By allowing yourself to mourn, you will help yourself to move on. “
We all cope in our own ways. For me, a new pair of shoes never hurt. However, this recent hurt cannot be eased by my love for shopping. Neither do my hopeless romantic novels help. I have learned that some things are harder to fix.
This whole blog is about my new journey and in this new journey, I have learned it’s okay to ask for help, whether that is going to talk to someone, write about my feelings, or even reconnecting with my faith. For me, I have been reaching out to speak with someone about my feelings. I am not sure about miracles or coincidences, but last week during my lunch break, I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of a Catholic church near my house. I found myself just looking at the church, knowing mass was not in service. While sitting there, a priest knocked on my window and asked me if I was lost. My response was yes, but the priest knew that I did not mean I needed directions, he knew I needed guidance. I got out of my car and together we walked around the garden on the church grounds talking. I told him a little about what I was going through, and he responded, “It’s okay to mourn the loss of the person you thought they were and the love you had for them.” That’s when I knew I was truly going to make it through this anger I was feeling, and I was going to be able to pull myself together.
I am not telling you to drive yourself to the nearest church, or even reach out to faith. I am telling you it’s okay to ask for help--you never have to do anything alone and you never should. New shoes and a glass of wine can fix some things, but they won’t fix everything. Ask for help. Sometimes in our darkest moments we have to garner the strength to just hold on. Hang in there! There’s no need to feel alone!
XOXO,
Molly
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"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." -Louisa May Alcott
Do you look at social media and feel like your life is falling apart or that you are not on track with the life you think the world of Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter has for you? Well, think about my silly advice I have for you---screw it! This post is not intended to offend anyone in any way, and my hope is not to put down any part of someone’s life. Being engaged in your early 20’s is certainly not something I frown up; after all, some of my best friends are engaged or married, and I could not be more excited for them. I just think some of us (ladies and perhaps gentlemen) need to hear that it’s okay not to be at that point in our lives. Also, I hope people don’t read this and see me as being bitter. So—raise your wine glass and consider: how many of you have seen at least one engagement photo on some form of social media this year? And while your glass is in the air, I can tell you it’s not easy to see-this coming from someone who earlier this year was planning a wedding. As you take a sip from your glass, you are looking at your friends’ beautiful photos with their big smiles, and you are thinking: COME ON WHY IS THAT NOT ME? Let’s be honest—you are judging their engagement rings and thinking that your ring better be just as pretty. After all, we learned expectations early on when our Barbie married Ken and drove away in the pink convertible . . . come on, I know I am not the only one! It’s hard to not wonder why it’s not happening to me or when our time is going to come. Ladies, take it from me, it will happen. What I do know now is that it’s not about the wedding; it’s about the love you feel and share with another. It’s also about making sure you are ready! I understand how hard it can be to stand on the sidelines and watch. Trust me, the first wedding I went to after everything in my life happened was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had some amazing friends by my side to make sure I was okay, but in a way it restored my hope for love. Being young and not engaged is not the end of the world. Look at all the things you can do: go back to school, pack your suitcase and go on a trip, flirt with any boy you want to at the bar, but HAVE FUN!! Being engaged is not a race-so don’t make it one! About once a day I am asked one of these questions: 1. How have you not just gone home to your parents? 2. Are you sure you can do this by yourself? 3. Do you think you will ever be back to your old self again? First I want to say, yes I am a young woman trying to find my way out of a broken situation, and there are days, when fighting for myself does not seem worth it. That was until “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten came on my music station, and I realized every single day I am fighting, and I am writing my own fight song. So yes, I am still learning that it is not easy to pull the pieces of my life back together as fast as I want, but here are the answers to your questions: and here is how I am a living fight song. 1. I have really considered going home, but what does that show about me with everything I have been though. My parents have supported me every day, and are the strength behind my fight song. They have taught me that I can pick up the pieces of my broken self one piece at a time, and I am so blessed to have them by my side this whole time. 2. No, I am not sure, but I sure as hell am trying, and I have never been alone. I have the love and support of so many family members and friends. I also have my faith as I take these next steps in my life. I am never alone, and I will never stop fighting. 3. No, I won’t ever be my old self again, and honestly I am okay with that. So yes: “This is my fight song Take back my life song, Prove I'm alright song, My power's turned on. Starting right now I'll be strong I'll play my fight song And I don't really care if nobody else believes 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me.” “Fight Song”-Rachel Platten. XoXo, Molly PS: Always Keep Fighting My father is a man of view words, but has a powerful voice! Xoxo, Molly “If there comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever.” -Winnie the Pooh Sadly, this afternoon my family said goodbye to the legendary Parker Leonard, who fit in with our family perfectly, because, let’s be honest, he was a little high maintenance, and well in that household we are all a little high maintenance. Parker was truly the baby to our family. If you think people love their dogs, I can promise you my Dad and Stepmom (Danielle) loved Parker as their own child. He is my puppy brother. My heart was broken today when I received a phone call from my dad, about Parker, sitting at my desk when my Dad told me that Parker had gotten very sick, and they had to make a decision that was best for him. Today, my family really did lose an important member of our band, but as I reflect on the loss of Parker “Handsome” Leonard,I cannot help but smile at all the funny moments we have had with Parker! (Laughter though tears-my favorite emotion: something my mother has always taught me). Here are some interesting and funny memories/facts of P. Angel that I hope you enjoy!
I leave you with this: Cheers to you Parker Leonard! You blessed us with so much love and interesting moments. I hope you know you have to share your treats in puppy heaven and that you might not be able to sleep all day, but who are we kidding you did not follow normal dog rules anyway! Thank you for being along with me for this journey I call my life. XOXO, Molly “I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.”-Kaci Diane When I see this quotation, I am reminded of the person I have become and how I fought to be her! Every day I told myself I would start a new blog since I closed out my old one. The problem is my life is not that interesting, and I don’t do too many exciting things. Well--that was until, I made the biggest decision of my life in a really long time. I walked out of a really bad situation with Charlotte by my side (my crazy almost 2 year old puppy), with my life packed into a 2012 Ford Focus, and moved in to a one bed room apartment, a good 9 ½ hours away from my family in Maryland. I am living the post college dream; you know what I am talking about right? Living off of the Kraft blue box mac and cheese, realizing you have a lot of school loans, earning a good pay check will buy you a $9.00 dollar bottle of wine! When I decided to start blogging again, I was unsure what to write, and I think my goal is to hopefully show you when you think everything is falling apart, it’s really when everything is falling back together. I can’t say this journey will be an easy one, but I sure can tell you it will be entertaining! If you are going through a change in your life, or you feel like you’re alone-- always remember you’re not. The light is always brighter right around the corner; so, here it is the journey of how I became the girl I fought to be. Pour yourself a cheap glass of wine and enjoy! I am excited you’re along for the ride! Keep Smiling ~Molly Francis |
AuthorYou can call me Molly Francis; I am a wine drinker, full time workaholic, and relationship abuse survivor. Archives
October 2018
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