Today I had the harsh reality of everything that once was, is officially over. When I say harsh, for this high-strung girl, it’s not something I was expecting to come out of my mouth. Every little thing that meant so much “to be” is over. The person I used to be is over and the memories I held on to so tightly are over. But that does not mean my life is over; today I l learned when harsh reality hits you in the face, something so amazing can happen. Well, I then said out loud “where is my amazing?” I am here, waiting for it, and nothing has come. Then someone said it’s right in front of you, just keep walking.
Some of you might be reading this saying, “Molly, of course it’s been over, how have you not seen that?” In my mind I knew it was over, but I just never said it. I laugh because I have been living my life, replaying memories, over and over, holding on to anything that would make me smile and not cry. I am taking baby steps, baby steps that are helping me heal, small inches toward not being so angry, and really hoping to find that something that shows me that this life ahead of me might just be amazing.
I sat in my car on Monday after work screaming on the phone with my mother about how angry I am and about how I feel like the small reality I had was over. I felt angry at myself about how I never got the chance to express that. She just listened, she reminded me how my little steps such as not leaving Chattanooga, (just yet), or how getting up in the morning and reminding myself that I can do this, is so big for me-my world has fallen apart, picked itself back up, and fell apart again.
Today that reality hit me right in the face, and for the first time I said it out loud, and came to realize that this journey I am on is something new and beautiful. Today reality hit me right in the face. I learned those great memories I have are something I can still hold on to, but just not as tightly. I learned that sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step!
Thank you for reading my rambling today.
Molly Francis
Some of you might be reading this saying, “Molly, of course it’s been over, how have you not seen that?” In my mind I knew it was over, but I just never said it. I laugh because I have been living my life, replaying memories, over and over, holding on to anything that would make me smile and not cry. I am taking baby steps, baby steps that are helping me heal, small inches toward not being so angry, and really hoping to find that something that shows me that this life ahead of me might just be amazing.
I sat in my car on Monday after work screaming on the phone with my mother about how angry I am and about how I feel like the small reality I had was over. I felt angry at myself about how I never got the chance to express that. She just listened, she reminded me how my little steps such as not leaving Chattanooga, (just yet), or how getting up in the morning and reminding myself that I can do this, is so big for me-my world has fallen apart, picked itself back up, and fell apart again.
Today that reality hit me right in the face, and for the first time I said it out loud, and came to realize that this journey I am on is something new and beautiful. Today reality hit me right in the face. I learned those great memories I have are something I can still hold on to, but just not as tightly. I learned that sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step!
Thank you for reading my rambling today.
Molly Francis