Someone wise beyond my years said, “It’s okay to mourn the loss of the person you thought they were, and the love you had for them.”
Holding on to anger and hurt is something I have learned I am good at. I hold grudges more than anyone in my family, and my parents are still a little unsure where I get that trait! I grew up a very angry child and, I still have moments that I am just angry. I have learned that sometimes in life we have to accept the cards we are dealt and just play them. I am the first person to acknowledge that sometimes life just sucks.
I have been so angry over the events that have occurred in my life. I often look around and see people living their seemingly happy lives, and I begin to feel that a dark cloud is hanging over me, not letting me go and to move on with my life. That is not fair! I feel like I have worked so hard to become a young, independent woman, so I just want to scream because I let myself be hurt.
I have been mourning the loss of something that is no longer a part of my life, and I know that as a young woman in my early 20’s, I am not the first person to experience this. However, moving on is one of the hardest things to do when I am still so angry at my situation. I have learned in these past couple months that sometimes I won’t ever get the apology I am looking for so that I can bring closure to this and move forward. I know that by not having the closure I need, I am having to learn that it’s okay to still be upset (regardless of what people tell me! )
“My Dear, you won’t ever be able to move on until you learn to forgive yourself and by forgiving yourself I am not saying you did anything wrong or that it’s wrong to feel the way you do. You can certainly let yourself mourn the heartbreak, the frustration, and the anger. By allowing yourself to mourn, you will help yourself to move on. “
We all cope in our own ways. For me, a new pair of shoes never hurt. However, this recent hurt cannot be eased by my love for shopping. Neither do my hopeless romantic novels help. I have learned that some things are harder to fix.
This whole blog is about my new journey and in this new journey, I have learned it’s okay to ask for help, whether that is going to talk to someone, write about my feelings, or even reconnecting with my faith. For me, I have been reaching out to speak with someone about my feelings. I am not sure about miracles or coincidences, but last week during my lunch break, I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of a Catholic church near my house. I found myself just looking at the church, knowing mass was not in service. While sitting there, a priest knocked on my window and asked me if I was lost. My response was yes, but the priest knew that I did not mean I needed directions, he knew I needed guidance. I got out of my car and together we walked around the garden on the church grounds talking. I told him a little about what I was going through, and he responded, “It’s okay to mourn the loss of the person you thought they were and the love you had for them.” That’s when I knew I was truly going to make it through this anger I was feeling, and I was going to be able to pull myself together.
I am not telling you to drive yourself to the nearest church, or even reach out to faith. I am telling you it’s okay to ask for help--you never have to do anything alone and you never should. New shoes and a glass of wine can fix some things, but they won’t fix everything. Ask for help. Sometimes in our darkest moments we have to garner the strength to just hold on. Hang in there! There’s no need to feel alone!
XOXO,
Molly
2 Comments
6/30/2015 12:41:30 pm
Molly, you are so strong! I am amazed by how independent you are and how brave. It is totally ok to mourn and grieve a change in your life. Just don't let yourself get stuck there.
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Cherry
9/9/2015 04:46:14 pm
Hey beautiful! I am so oroud of you! I know how amazing and strong! Whike Im not sure what happened. ..I dont need to. ..I know you. ..thankfully and I know you ate doing just fine! Keep sparkling gorgeous! Xoxo
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AuthorYou can call me Molly Francis; I am a wine drinker, full time workaholic, and relationship abuse survivor. Archives
October 2018
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