The nightmares come and go, the bruises have faded, and my heart has healed, but I don’t think I will forget that day. I sat in my car and called my mom; I can never forget the LAST day he put his hands on me.
I could give you the play by play of the day starting with: I could not find my black tights, I was late for work, my anxiety was through the roof because I had to drive in the snow, and he felt like he had the right to put his hands on me. I learned I could tell the story 100 times, but it would never change and it would never make me feel any better. I learned a lot about myself over this past year and a half. I have learned that faith and a little wine can help get me through anything, but I also learned that I can only cry so many tears, and I can only lie so much about how I feel before the real truth starts to come out.
The unanswerable question I hear all the time is, “How could a woman allow herself to go through that?” Usually I am embarrassed when I hear someone say that because honestly I don’t have an answer. I just try to look clueless and walk away because it makes me feel weak and stupid for finding myself grouped with those women. I saw every sign of an abusive man, and I forgave him over and over. I listened to his lies of “I’m sorry and I won’t do that again,” but the last day he put his hands on me was the best day of my life!
Maybe, you are reading this and think I am bashing the so-called“man” who hit me. You can say, “Molly, maybe he is a changed man or maybe he has grown up.” My purpose is not about revenge. My blog is an outlet for me as a way to speak up and a way to show other people that they don’t have to go through what I went though. Like everything else on the Internet, if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
The last day he put his hands on me was the last day I lied to myself. I knew I had endured enough. I no longer felt the need to lie to everyone about my “happy” engagement. It was much easier to take off a ring that meant nothing but broken promises and a phony relationship. I no longer had to put cover up on my arms to hid a bruise, I did not have to worry about living in hell and by hell I mean an old house that was filthy, with ceiling falling in, and one that should have been condemned. I no longer had to lie about who I was to people because I had lost myself in this abusive relationship. I had become a person who did not share my opinion. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror because the face in the mirror was not really me. I was living a lie and I had to stop lying to the world around me.
I will tell anyone this: if you find yourself in a really scary situation like I was in, remember you are never alone, you never have to hide like I did, you are worth so much more than how you are treated. Also remember that you don’t need to get revenge because Karma happens like it’s supposed to. Trust me--of all people who can say that, it’s me. I have an amazing job, I am back home with my family, and I am about to move into a new house. I did not lose my job because of my behavior, I did not lose any friends, and most importantly, I do not have to lie about my life. I gained the love and support of so many people, and if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I promise that you can discover how important you are and how loved you are by so many people!
Sending so much love,
Molly Francis!